my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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