Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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