I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
