I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
