But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
