girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
