apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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