Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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