i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
what the fuck happened to the tacos
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
