Pregnant stripper...not hot.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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