What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
