Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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