do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
