WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
