I'm eating all of the evidence.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
