Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
