why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
