just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
