you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
