My hair reeks of homosexuality.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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