i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
