Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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