I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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