I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
