My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
