The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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