you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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