Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My vagina just recognized that song.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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