He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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