Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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