just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.