It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao