She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes