I just pynch a tree in the face
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
