my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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