My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
