In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
