Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
