that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
