If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
