what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
