Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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