BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
