it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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