Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
