shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
