Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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