Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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