I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
