No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
