# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
