Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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