I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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