mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Houston, we have a squirter
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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