She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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