Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
