You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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