CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
