I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
