My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
