Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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