Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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