party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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