Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
