he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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