When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
