I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
