I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
